I remember, like it was my last breath, the color of your eyes. They are the lightest blue but your pupil wears a crown of the most breathtaking gold. They hold so many years of strength and pain, I still trust them with my life sadly. They can tear someone apart with a mere glance.
I remember, the cologne you wore, the very first time I smelled it. I believe we were at Jades, many years ago, having a 'no pants party'? It still, to this day, makes my heart race. Now though, instead of with love, it is with pain, terror that you might haunt me. When I smell it in the hallway, I tense with memories of it on your neck and when you left me for good.
I remember, the taste of your skin. Anywhere and everywhere. No matter what you were doing, you were always sweet, your skin so soft...
I remember staying up early into the morning talking, how much you risked to come see me, how ungrateful I was to you.
I remember, my mother catching us on my bed and forbidding us from sleeping under the same blanket and how, after a while, she gave up.
I remember, chasing the yellow butterfly at the park and how you took me in my backyard just to shut me up. How you told me to be quiet or we'd get in trouble and I just giggled and clung to you. You were always so warm.
I remember having to be quiet in the bed next to Parker and that stupid song that was on repeat the night we couldn't sleep at his house. I still hate that song.
I remember you being my rock that night at Jade's, the one we called 'turtle'. How Gretchen kicked us out, saying she didn't want fags in her house.
I remember getting followed by a cop after leaving the park.
I remember singing to you even though I sucked, holding hands in the back of my mothers car, say we could "Jack off in math class!" when we got our schedules and how Mr. Crooksten didn't care in the slightest when you asked him if I could sit by you.
I remember going to see you mom at work and holding you while you talked about her and your cousin. How we fought a thousand times over it.
I remember when I almost went to Glean Oaks and how I couldn't answer your worried calls, if they really were.
I remember praying for 9pm to come closer and closer so we could talk to eachother and falling asleep on you even though I tried not to.
I remember the night I first got drunk and we had a pole dancing contest in your kitchen. Vicky had the best moves obviously (she's 4 now right? 5? I miss her..) Then we went to Taco Bell and 3am and I was hiding horribly in the floorboards, laughing. Then I went home hungover and sick as hell, but I wish I had more moments like that with you.
I remember singing 'When I Was Your Man' together, watching random movies with Shannon, walking around town with her when she got mad at your dad when he was fixing the timebelt on the van. I remember thinking we were gonna get hurt and we ran from the random dude. I was terrified.
I remember the huge world we created. Rose and Sierra..going to the movies with your brothers and getting a free movie ticket because our movie fucked up. Maybe I shouldn't have taken you to soo many kids movies.
I remember the ugly ass jacket my mom bought you for Christmas but you wore it anyway because it was warm. I remember giving you those orange chucks that you wore until the broke. I remember the tiger and gir you gave me, I can't say where they are now though..remember our matching belts? Mine is still in my closet somewhere.
I still have some of your shirts even if I can't wear them...
For some reason I can't stop thinking about you and I know you couldn't give two shits about me so I act the same when really I just want a hug again, something to hold onto so I don't listen to my veins..theres so much pressure inside me chy..I tried getting over you and it worked so I don't know why just this has made me cry 7 times, how every time I listen to a song I sang to you i break down and my heart shatters. I can't even walk past you without having a panic attack but god I miss you. You were the only person to really love me and..I regret every wrong I did to you..I realize now that first loves never go away..so I must not have been yours...
If what Avery and Hailey say is true, than congrats..I pray you have a wonderful life and may Selene bless you and whoever you have now...if you read this, tell everyone I miss them and have a wonderful summer...
I love you, Cheyenne
P.S. You're the only person I know who can actually make me melt with a kiss, everyone else sucked horribly